The Artist and the Actor – 32

 

Tenting his fingers, Colin looked hard at Shane. "So when you said you loved me, after I caught you out with those other men, you were concerned about my feelings and doing your best not to hurt me, even though you knew you had—and badly."

 

"No," Shane replied softly. "It was the truth. I loved you then. I still love you, whether you believe it or not. That never changed, Colin. I screwed up and I'll regret it 'til my dying day. My excuses were bullshit and I know it—now. I didn't trust you loved me. Not the way I wanted you to." He sighed. "I'm an egoist at heart. I wouldn't be an actor if I wasn't. I want to be the center of attention and I wasn't, with you. To stick with the theatrical metaphor, I shared the stage with your art when I wanted to be the star."

 

"Why didn't I see that? No, you don't have to answer. I know why. I was totally self-centered. My work came first before we met and that never changed. I wouldn't let it."

 

"Aren't we the pair," Shane said with rueful grin. "Two temperamental artists, because acting is an art, too. So involved with what we wanted that we…that we couldn't see there was another person in our life who should have come first."

 

"Or at least been as important," Colin replied.

 

"If we could go back and change things…"

 

"But we can't. It's too late. And now you're leaving. Not this instant, but soon."

 

"I know." Shane sighed. "I wish I wasn't, but contractually I have to." He took Colin's hand again. "I'll be back, though. I promise. That is if you want me to come back."

 

"I think I do. I have what? Four weeks to decide?"

 

Shane nodded. He laced his fingers with Colin's. "I do everything in my power to make certain you do."

 

Colin looked down at their hands, knowing in that instant what his answer would be. I'm not telling him, though. Not yet. I have to be sure he has changed. Hell, I need to be sure I have. Old habits die hard.

 

"Gentlemen?" Colin looked up to see their waiter, who was waiting to put down their drinks and a bread basket. "Are you ready to order?"

 

Grimacing, Colin quickly scanned the menu while Shane said he wanted the sirloin steak, a baked potato, and the chef's salad.

 

"I'll have the baked chicken with au gratin potatoes and a plain salad with blue cheese dressing," Colin said when it was his turn.