Fear - 37

"That's your house?" Shawn looked at it almost in awe. Not that is was big, not like Max's place, but it just looked—nice. Like the man it belonged to.

The bottom half was brick with a small covered front porch and one large window next to it. The upper story was blue shingled with brick-colored trim around an arched window, which had two smaller windows abutting it. The house sat just off the street, a wrought iron fence surrounding it and the huge pine tree at one side.

"That's it. I bought it when I first moved here and made the decision that this was where I wanted to spend my life." Gene smiled and shook his head. "Damn, that was four years ago already."

"You're old," Shawn told him with an amused smirk. He was beginning to feel relaxed when he was with Gene. Not totally, but enough to joke a bit, which was something he'd never really done with Jared. He was always afraid Jared would take it the wrong way and—Shawn quickly pushed that thought away as best he could.

"Well I'm not as young as you, kid, but I hardly think thirty is old."

"Ancient, positively ancient." Shawn darted away when Gene took a swipe at him. "Can I see the inside?" he asked hopefully.

"Not tonight. It's getting late and you have to work tomorrow. So do I, as far as that goes."

"Okay." Shawn wanted to protest it wasn't that late but was afraid of the consequences. He's not Jared; he's not Jared. He repeated the mantra in his mind but it made no difference. Gene was still older and bigger and wiser… and nicer, I think. But I thought Jared was nice at first.

"Come on. I'll drive you home."

"I can walk." Shawn cringed as soon as the words were out of his mouth. He couldn't help it.

Gene smiled gently. "I know you can, but I'd like to drive you anyway. And that, Shawn in not an order, it's a request. I've had fun this evening. You're good company when you let yourself relax." Putting a hand on Shawn's shoulder he turned him back toward the main street. "I have to pick up my car anyway. Right?"

"Right." Shawn shivered when Gene touched him, but not in fear, he suddenly realized. There was nothing to fear with him. "I'll race you." He grinned and took off.

"Damn!" Gene took after him, laughing, catching up a block from the car. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Well…" Shawn looked at him, one eyebrow cocked, as they walked the rest of the way to the car. "You did say you were old, so maybe I should be careful with you?"

"Had to go there, didn't you? Get in the car—kid," Gene mock growled. It was instantly apparent he wished he hadn't done that when Shawn cowered and hurried to do as he'd said. As soon as he was in the car as well, Gene reached for Shawn's hand.

Shawn pulled away, huddling in the corner of the seat next to the door.

"Don't," Gene said quietly. "I was teasing. I didn't mean to frighten you. I'm sorry."

"It's… I know, I guess." Tears burned behind Shawn's eyelids. "Will I ever stop doing that? Being so afraid of…of every word and gesture?"

"You will." Gene held out his hand and this time Shawn took it, although he didn't relax his defensive posture. "It'll take time. You're fresh out of a very bad relationship. No one can expect you to suddenly turn into all sweetness and light. Although"—he traced his thumb over the back of Shawn's hand—"you did make a stab at it tonight."

Shawn looked down at their hands, nodding. "I'm trying. It's just so hard."

"I know. I've been there, remember?"

"I'm glad," Shawn whispered. Then he realized how that sounded. "I don't mean that you were, but that you…well that you were, so you understand. Does that make any sense?"

"I get exactly what you're saying so yeah, it does." Releasing Shawn's hand, Gene started the car. "Now let's get you home. Max is probably wondering if I kidnapped you."

"To have your wicked way with me."

Gene grinned. "Maybe that too, though I doubt it."

Maybe someday. When I'm…better.