Everyone's Man – 42

 

 

"The hell you did," Keyes growled angrily. "Look at me, Colin." Colin hesitated before lifting his gaze once again to meet Keyes's. "I know you've been told this before. It's time you started believing it. No one ever asks for, or deserves to be, raped. Never."

 

"I did," Colin retorted, his eyes brimming with tears. "I'm a whore, Dane. It's what happens to us. We get paid to have sex with someone and sometimes…" He wiped away a tear that trickled down his face. "I heard a saying once that describes me to a T. I'm everyone's man. If they have the money, I'm theirs to do with as they wish."

 

"But you don't let them do everything they want, or your attacker wouldn't have come looking for you again to… Well in his mind, I think he looked on it as punishing you because you defied him and ran. He was probably afraid you'd tell someone about him." Keyes touched Colin's jaw with one finger to keep him focused on what he was saying. "What he—what they—did to you, Colin, was not punishment. It was rape, pure and simple. Non-consensual sex. Until you are able to accept, not only here," Keyes tapped Colin's temple, "but emotionally as well, that it was not your fault, you won't begin to heal."

 

"How do I do that, Dane?" Colin asked, his eyes pleading for an answer.

 

"You make that your mantra, Colin. When the feelings begin to overwhelm you, when you have flashbacks about what happened, you tell yourself you were not responsible. You tell yourself that they are sick bastards who used you. Rape is not about sexual gratification: it's about exerting power and control over someone else. It's a crime of violence, not in any way, shape, or form a sexual act, except for the fact that a cock or some other form of penetration is the used."

 

"You make it sound so…so easy."

 

"Fuck no it's not easy! It's damned hard." Keyes's voice rose and he quickly tempered it. "I still have times when I question it, Colin, and it happened a long time ago."

 

Colin nodded, a frown deeply creasing his forehead.

 

"What?" Keyes asked quietly.

 

"Nothing," Colin told him. "Nothing."

 

At that moment the waiter arrived to set their meals down in front of them. When he left, Keyes said, "Colin, don't do that. Don't internalize. Ask anything you need to and I'll answer."

 

For a long moment Keyes thought Colin was going to ignore him when he turned his attention to his food. Then he looked up, asking hesitantly, "Do you… have sex?"

 

Keyes smiled. "Yes. Now. It took time before I was able to handle even the idea of being with anyone sexually. Then, for a while, it was an aggressive act on my part, trying to show the man I happened to be with that I was the one in control." When Colin's eyes widened in shock, Keyes quickly amended his statement. "The sex was consensual but I had to be the one instigating it and it had to be done my way."

 

"That sort of won't work for me." Colin sighed deeply.

 

"If you're hooking, no it won't, obviously. In a personal relationship, hopefully the male you're with will understand."