The Artist and the Actor – 24

 

 

Colin snorted. "You're digging for something to talk about, instead of getting down to why you're here."

 

"Caught me," Shane replied with a self-deprecating grin.

 

"So…talk."

 

Shane crossed to the worktable along one wall, leaning back against it as he studied Colin.

 

He's looking at me as if I was one of my paintings. It made Colin feel uncomfortable.

 

"All right, here's the thing," Shane said. "A wise friend, female, before you get your tail in a twist, told me to open up to you about my feelings. So, here goes. I screwed up. I knew how important your art was to you from the beginning, and at first that was fine. I loved you, so I accepted it. The problem was, after a while I began to resent coming in second in your life. So I did something stupid, as you well know."

 

"No kidding," Colin replied tartly.

 

"I think I was trying to prove to myself that someone saw me as a person."

 

"Wait a damned minute there. I did. I always did. I wouldn't have loved you if I hadn't." Colin sucked in a breath, pacing to look out the window before turning back to Shane. "Aren't we rehashing old arguments, now?"

 

"No, because there's more to it. You kicked me out, and I deserved it. It doesn't mean I stopped caring. I loved you almost from day one." Shane paused, looking directly at Colin, his gaze searching his face. "I still love you. That will never stop. I get that you couldn't give a damn because I hurt you so badly, but it's the truth. There. I said it. Take it for what you think it's worth."

 

It's worth a lot, but is it enough? Colin didn't know the answer to his question…yet, so he returned to the easel, picked up a clean brush, and after dipping it into the dark green paint, added a few strokes to the painting.

 

With a sigh, Shane said, "I guess that tells me all I needed to know."

 

Swinging around, Colin shook his head. "You've been honest with me. I owe you honesty in return. When you left, okay, when I told you to leave, I hated you. When you showed up at the gallery last Friday, I thought I had laid it to rest, but on some level I hadn't. You were the man who betrayed my love and seeing you again hurt. I get why you did what you did, and yes, I carry half the blame. But damn it, Shane, why didn't you talk to me? Why didn't you tell me what you were feeling rather than letting it fester?"

 

"Do you know how hard it was to get you to listen to me when you were in the throes of your work?" Shane pointed a finger at Colin. "It was impossible. Then, when you weren't painting and you paid attention to me, I didn't want to…to blow it, I guess. I didn't want to lose the loving feelings between us, when they happened. Does that make sense?"

 

Colin nodded. "It does." He took a step toward Shane, then stopped. "As I said, when I saw you at the gallery it brought back everything. All I wanted was for you to leave, to get out of my life and stay out. Then, when you called to tell, no, order me to watch the news program, and showed up right after to give me some support, because you knew how it would affect me, I came to the realization that maybe I still had feelings for you. I didn't want to. It's been a long time, three years, in case you lost track."