Fear - 25

He's beginning to relax with me. Gene considered that as he promised he'd bring Shawn the picture. But so what? It doesn't mean he's willing to give up hope that Jared's going to come back, sweep him into his arms, and take him away to some place where they can live happily ever after

He went back to his book while Shawn picked up the second magazine to go through. Then Gene said, trying to sound casual, "Are you going to find another mechanic's job when they spring you from here?"

Shawn looked up, frowning. "I haven't thought about it. Maybe. I guess I'll need a job, won't I? At least until…" He sighed.

Gene wanted to tell him Jared was gone for good, which he prayed was the case. But he knew Shawn wouldn't believe him. Instead, he nodded. "I bet Mr. Spitzer would hire you back in a heartbeat."

"You think so?" Shawn's face lit up. "He was a good boss. I liked him."

"I'm sure he would. I can call him tonight to let him know you're interested."

"I… yeah, sure. At least it's somewhere Jared knows if he comes looking for me. I mean when he…"

Taking a deep breath, Gene said, "Do you want him to, after what he did?"

"He was just drunk and angry. He's over that now. He has to be." Shawn looked down at his hands, his face a study in hope and fear. "Doesn't he?"

"He probably is, for now. Until the next time you do something he doesn't like," Gene replied, gently resting his hand on Shawn's arm. When Shawn started to pull away Gene let him. Then, quietly, he said, "Look at me, Shawn."

"No, because you're going to say things I don't want to hear." He shut his eyes as if to ward off anything Gene might say.

"True. But you need to hear them anyway. I'm not going to lecture you. I think you've had more than enough of that from me and a lot of other people. I'm just going to tell you a story."

"About what?"

"About me, and how I finally figured out that abuse does not equal love, no matter how you might feel about the abuser—or think he feels about you."

Shawn's eyes flew open. "You?"

"Yes, me. I was a bit younger than you are now and I fell for a guy, hard."

"Wait a minute. You're gay?"

Gene chuckled. "I am. Always have been, always will be—though I don't go around announcing it to everyone I know or, truth be told, to anyone unless they ask."

"Holy shit. Okay."