Never Again – 32

 

"You would think," Cal said softly, "it had been forever since you made love to someone."

Joseph turned his head to smile at him. "It seems as if it has been."

"How long?" When Joseph remained silent, Cal kissed his temple, saying, "You don't have to answer. I'm just happy it was me who helped you. Damn, that sounds wrong."

"Perhaps." Joseph chuckled. "But I know what you meant."

"Why? I mean, why so long? If it has been. And that didn't sound so good either."

Rolling onto his side, ignoring the grass tickling him when he did, Joseph traced his fingertips over Cal's mouth. "Nope, no foot in there."

Cal grinned. "Bet me." Taking Joseph's hand in his, he kissed the palm. Then, his look very serious, he said, "Can I ask you something? Or ask it again? Why so long?"

"Personal reasons."

"Okay, sorry. I shouldn't have pried." He started to sit up but Joseph wasn't having any of that. He put his hand on Cal's shoulder to keep him where he was.

"You have every right to 'pry', all things considered. I loved someone once, loved him more than life itself. He died and I vowed he would be the last."

"How long ago?"

"Many years ago."

"When you were a teen? Your first love and your last? When you were that young? Damn. That's, well, it's sad." Wrapping one arm around him, Cal eased him over until Joseph was resting on his chest then gently stroked his hair. "He's the last man you've been with?"

Joseph nodded, not correcting Cal's assumption about his age when he and Rawleigh were together. After all, how could I explain? In this day and age, where everything is based on reality and myths are the fodder of bad movies, he would think I was insane and—and disappear before I even got the chance to show him.

"Why me?" Cal asked. "I mean… well you know what I mean, I think."

"How can I explain it so it makes sense and doesn't make me seem condescending? There's something about you that reached out to me, as much as I tried not to let it. You're nothing like him physically, but you have the same invincible 'nothing is going to stop me' spirit he had." He looked up at Cal. "Does it bother you that I compare you to him?"

"Honestly, it does a little. And yet the fact you loved him and see some of him in me—I think I like that." He smiled, brushing a kiss over Joseph's lips. "I don't expect you'll love me the way you did him. But if you care for me in some way… well, I can live with it."

"I do care. Trite as it sounds, I wouldn't be here if I didn't. I'm not a man who falls into bed with anyone who looks my way."

"No kidding. I kind of got that." He tugged Joseph's beard lightly when he continued to look somberly at him. "You're supposed to smile. You're the one who's always tries to smile so I'll smile back."

"I do, don't I?" Joseph did smile then—and laughed softly. "I think you just turned it around, Cal."

"Good. Now one more question if you don't mind, only because I'm curious. What was his name?"

"Rawleigh."

"Rawleigh." Cal rolled the name over his tongue. "It sounds old-fashioned."

Joseph shook his head. "The name was old, yes, but he wasn't an old-fashioned…" He almost said 'man' before remembering Cal thought they'd been teens. "Boy. It was just a family name. He was very much a child of his time, our time, full of life and ready to try anything."

"How did he die?" Cal asked softly.

"He was in the wrong place at the wrong time and got shot." Which is the truth, although he'll take it differently than I meant it.

"Damn. I've heard of that happening to kids when punks do a drive-by or something. I'm sorry, Joe. What a horrible way to lose someone you loved."

"It was," Joseph replied somberly. Then, realizing all of this talk had put a damper on their mood, he jumped to his feet. "Let's cook that fish. I'm starving."

Cal looked up at him in surprise then grinned, getting up as well. "And just how are we going to do that?"

"It's call 'fire'. You gather some wood, pile it up, and find a nice big stick. Haven't you ever cooked food in the wild?"

"Nope. I'm a city boy, born and bred."

"Okay, so here's the plan. You get the wood; I'll gut and scale the fish."

"And cut off its head? I don't like my food looking at me when I'm eating it."

Joseph laughed. "Okay, just for you, I'll do that too."