Fear - 37

"That's your house?" Shawn looked at it almost in awe. Not that is was big, not like Max's place, but it just looked—nice. Like the man it belonged to.

The bottom half was brick with a small covered front porch and one large window next to it. The upper story was blue shingled with brick-colored trim around an arched window, which had two smaller windows abutting it. The house sat just off the street, a wrought iron fence surrounding it and the huge pine tree at one side.

"That's it. I bought it when I first moved here and made the decision that this was where I wanted to spend my life." Gene smiled and shook his head. "Damn, that was four years ago already."

"You're old," Shawn told him with an amused smirk. He was beginning to feel relaxed when he was with Gene. Not totally, but enough to joke a bit, which was something he'd never really done with Jared. He was always afraid Jared would take it the wrong way and—Shawn quickly pushed that thought away as best he could.

"Well I'm not as young as you, kid, but I hardly think thirty is old."

"Ancient, positively ancient." Shawn darted away when Gene took a swipe at him. "Can I see the inside?" he asked hopefully.

"Not tonight. It's getting late and you have to work tomorrow. So do I, as far as that goes."

"Okay." Shawn wanted to protest it wasn't that late but was afraid of the consequences. He's not Jared; he's not Jared. He repeated the mantra in his mind but it made no difference. Gene was still older and bigger and wiser… and nicer, I think. But I thought Jared was nice at first.

"Come on. I'll drive you home."

"I can walk." Shawn cringed as soon as the words were out of his mouth. He couldn't help it.

Gene smiled gently. "I know you can, but I'd like to drive you anyway. And that, Shawn in not an order, it's a request. I've had fun this evening. You're good company when you let yourself relax." Putting a hand on Shawn's shoulder he turned him back toward the main street. "I have to pick up my car anyway. Right?"

"Right." Shawn shivered when Gene touched him, but not in fear, he suddenly realized. There was nothing to fear with him. "I'll race you." He grinned and took off.

"Damn!" Gene took after him, laughing, catching up a block from the car. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Well…" Shawn looked at him, one eyebrow cocked, as they walked the rest of the way to the car. "You did say you were old, so maybe I should be careful with you?"

"Had to go there, didn't you? Get in the car—kid," Gene mock growled. It was instantly apparent he wished he hadn't done that when Shawn cowered and hurried to do as he'd said. As soon as he was in the car as well, Gene reached for Shawn's hand.

Shawn pulled away, huddling in the corner of the seat next to the door.

"Don't," Gene said quietly. "I was teasing. I didn't mean to frighten you. I'm sorry."

"It's… I know, I guess." Tears burned behind Shawn's eyelids. "Will I ever stop doing that? Being so afraid of…of every word and gesture?"

"You will." Gene held out his hand and this time Shawn took it, although he didn't relax his defensive posture. "It'll take time. You're fresh out of a very bad relationship. No one can expect you to suddenly turn into all sweetness and light. Although"—he traced his thumb over the back of Shawn's hand—"you did make a stab at it tonight."

Shawn looked down at their hands, nodding. "I'm trying. It's just so hard."

"I know. I've been there, remember?"

"I'm glad," Shawn whispered. Then he realized how that sounded. "I don't mean that you were, but that you…well that you were, so you understand. Does that make any sense?"

"I get exactly what you're saying so yeah, it does." Releasing Shawn's hand, Gene started the car. "Now let's get you home. Max is probably wondering if I kidnapped you."

"To have your wicked way with me."

Gene grinned. "Maybe that too, though I doubt it."

Maybe someday. When I'm…better.

Fear - 36

Whatever Shawn was going to say was interrupted by the waitress as she set their meals in front of them.

And that effectively ended another topic he doesn't really want to talk about.

Shawn immediately picked up his brisket sandwich and took a big bite. "This is so good," he said enthusiastically, as soon as his mouth was empty. "Is yours?"

"Yep. You want to try a bite?" Gene cut off a piece when Shawn nodded, handing it to him.

"I like this too. Maybe next time we come here, I'll order it." Shawn turned a bright shade of pink, quickly dropped his gaze to his food, cut a bit of the sandwich, and gave it to Gene. "Not as good as this though."

Gene smiled as he ate it. "I'd debate that."

They both went silent then as they worked their way through their meals. Shawn kept glancing at Gene though, looking away any time Gene caught him at it.

Gene decided he might have a problem the fourth time it happened. Either that or I'm being very egotistical. He chuckled to himself. I'm one of the few people he knows here and I helped him come to grips with what had happened in his life. What is it the psychiatrists call it? Transference? He was dependent on Jared for so long and with him gone he could be looking for someone else to take his place. Though God knows I hope not. He has to learn to stand on his own two feet and find someone to have a healthy relationship with.

"A penny for your thoughts."

Gene laughed. "Trust me. They aren't worth nearly that much." He realized they'd both finished eating and asked, "Do you want dessert?"

"Naw, I'm stuffed." Shawn pushed his plate to one side. "But if you do…"

"Nope. If I eat anything more, you'll have to roll me home." He started to signal for the check.

"I'm paying," Shawn said in what Gene thought was a rare burst of authority for him. "This was my idea." He quickly dropped his gaze. "I mean… it was… so I should pay."

"I'm not debating that. I just wanted to get her over here. I'm ready to leave."

Shawn nodded hard. "Me too." His posture was deferential and he seemed to turn in on himself then, reverting back to the way he'd acted when Gene had run into him just before he'd ended up in the hospital.

Gene reached for his hand. "That wasn't an order, Shawn. Just a statement. If you want to stay, we can get more coffee and maybe go out on the patio."

"Is that what you want to do?" Shawn whispered.

"Shawn, look at me please." When the younger man did, Gene said gently but firmly, "We're friends now, I hope. One thing you have to understand about friendship, no one is the boss. If you want to do something, you say so, and the same for me, and then we make a decision we both can deal with. As far as I'm concerned at the moment, we can stay or go." He squeezed Shawn's hand. "So which would you like to do?"

Shawn took a deep breath. "Go, and maybe walk for a while." He gave a small grin. "To work off everything we ate."

"Sounds like a good plan to me."

Fear - 35

"We're here," Shawn pointed out, coming to a complete stop in front of the restaurant door. He grabbed the handle and pulled it open.

"You do know I'm quite able to open doors on my own," Gene said with a smile as he entered.

"Yes, well…just…just habit, I guess," Shawn replied, chewing his lip.

"I understand." Gene greeted the hostess when she came toward them, telling her they wanted a table for two and introducing her to Shawn.

"So you're the infamous Shawn," she said with a grin. "Everyone was worried about you when they heard you'd been in an accident."

Shawn audibly gulped, staring down at his shoes. "It wasn't…"

"As bad as Max probably made it sound," Gene said hurriedly.

"Accident?" Shawn said a minute later, after the hostess had taken them to a table and left.

Leaning forward, resting his chin on his folded hands to keep his words private from anyone but Shawn, Gene replied quietly, "Max figured that was a better explanation than 'His boyfriend beat the crap out of him'."

"Oh, well, yeah, I guess." Shawn scrubbed a hand through his hair. "Can we talk about something else? Please?"

"Of course." Gene took one of the menus from the holder at the side of the table. "So what's your favorite here? Me, I'm partial to the Carolina pulled pork sandwich."

"Well—" Shawn quickly grabbed the other menu. "Umm…"

Gene laughed. "You've never been here before, have you?"

"No," Shawn admitted, "but I used to smell the food when I'd walk by. It always made me hungry."

"If you like your food really spicy, try the hot link sandwich." Shawn shuddered, so Gene added, "Or not."

The waitress came over at that point. When Shawn still couldn't seem to make a choice, she suggested the sliced brisket with a side of baked beans. He nodded in agreement. Gene ordered the pulled pork with spicy slaw, and after getting their drink orders, she left.

"We used to go to the Fireside," Shawn said out of the blue.

Gene went with that, replying, "It's a nice place, if a bit off the beaten track."

"It's not that far and he liked it because no one bothered us. We always took that table way in the back and…" Shawn shrugged. "Do you have a favorite one? Some place you take…umm…dates to?"

"Since I don't date that would be a resounding 'no'."

"You don't? But you're so nice. Anyone would want to go out with you."

Gene shook his head. "There's not exactly a large gay population here, which limits my choices."

"Oh, yeah, it would. I'd… Never mind." Shawn grabbed his glass of water and took a big gulp.

Oh boy, not good. Damn it, I need to get the conversation onto something else and fast.

"Where did you grow up?" Gene asked.

"Back east," Shawn replied, waving a hand vaguely in that direction.

"Like the east coast—or somewhere between there and here?"

"Umm hmm."

"Do you ever go back to visit?"

"No, they…"

Fear - 34

Gene smiled when Shawn appeared from the back room of the garage. "You clean up very well."

Shawn immediately looked at his fingernails as if to be certain he'd gotten all the grease out from under them before nodding. "I tried."

"And succeeded. Ready?"

Shawn nodded again, shyly. "Are we walking or driving."

"It's a nice night so let's walk. It's not like it's going to be a major hike."

"True." Shawn hurried forward to open the door, waiting for Gene to exit then following. "Did you have a good day?" he asked when they were outside.

"I suppose it depends on your definition of good. There was a boy had a run-in with a 'mean swing', to quote him, and needed a couple of stitches. Then a woman came down with the flu and of course she came in rather than just calling to have me come check her out, so I might have a few more patients within the next couple of days." Shawn looked puzzled. "The flu's catching if she…"

"Oh I know that. I just… you know a lot of people because you live here." Shawn shrugged. "I really don't know anyone in town unless they've come into the garage."

Right. He probably wouldn't, poor kid

"Then we'll have to change that, won't we."

"We will? I mean, okay, sure. How?"

Gene grinned. "We could go door to door."

"Oh no, that wouldn't be…" Shawn stopped, looking at Gene. "You're teasing, aren't you?"

"Big time," Gene admitted. "But I will introduce you to anyone we run into." He looked around. "Come on, there's the Mitchell family. He's an accountant, she works at the bank. Their kids are in, hmm, middle school and high school, I think."

They crossed the street and true to his word, Gene introduced Shawn, telling them that Shawn worked for Max. They chatted for a couple of minutes then the Mitchells continued on their way home.

"They're nice," Shawn said.

"You sound surprised."

"I guess I shouldn't be. It's just that Jared said…" Shawn's look darkened. "He said all the people here were too stuck-up. No, that's not right. They thought they were better than us so we shouldn't have anything to do with them."

Gene made an instant decision not to sugarcoat his words when Shawn talked about things Jared had done. "I guess that was one way to keep you from making friends," he said tightly.

"I guess. He said he was just keeping me from being embarrassed or hurt when they ignored me or…or said things behind my back."

"Well he was wrong. Most everyone who lives here are good people. You'll find that out in time. Hell, you know what, you should check out the Farmer's Market this Sunday. It's the last one for the season so everyone and their brother will be there."

"By myself?" Shawn looked panicked by that idea.

"I bet Linda and Max are going. Ask them."

"Oh."

Gene hid a smile. He had an idea why Shawn didn't seem too enthused by his suggestion. He was very tempted to say he'd go with him but wasn't sure that was such a good idea.

Fear - 33

"Doctor Collins," Robin, Gene's receptionist said from his office doorway, "Shawn Mathews is here to see you. He doesn't have an appointment though, so I thought I'd check with you first."

"When's my next patient due?"

"In fifteen minutes. It's Mrs. Smith."

Gene rolled his eyes. "What's the disease of the week this time?"

"Cat scratch fever. She says she got it from Mr. Wilkins' kitten and she's sure that's what it is because she's got a headache, chills, a backache, and her stomach hurts."

"We have to keep her away from the damned computer. At least she didn't go for something like malaria. All right, send Shawn in and when she gets here, take her to exam room one."

Shawn appeared a minute later, saying somewhat apologetically, "I only have a few minutes before I have to be back at work."

"Is something wrong? Are your ribs bothering you too much?" Gene asked, looking for any signs Shawn was in pain.

"Oh no. No. Nothing like that. I just… I wanted to thank you and I didn't get the chance to yesterday because you left so quickly and I wanted to know if maybe you'd let me buy you dinner to show you how glad I am you were there and…" At that point he seemed to run out of steam, twisting his hands together as he looked hopefully at Gene.

"Good Lord, you don't have to do that," Gene said, feeling a bit nonplussed.

"But I want to. Please."

"Okay, if you insist. But nowhere fancy. I don't do fancy if I can help it." And you probably can't afford more than the local burger joint.

"Yes!" Shawn pumped a fist in the air. "Do you like barbecue?"

"If it's Smokin's, you bet. When and what time?"

Shawn paused as if he hadn't thought that far ahead. "Umm, tomorrow night? I get off at six so…"

"I'll pick you up, unless you want to go home and clean up first. By the way, do you like being at Max's?"

"Oh yeah. I have my own room. Well, not mine really because it's his son's, but he's off to college so it's mine for now, I guess, and Mrs Spitzer's real nice and…"

Gene laughed. "You know you can take a breath between words now and then."

"I'm sorry." Shawn dropped his gaze, staring at the floor.

"Hey, that was not a reprimand, just a suggestion. Okay? I was teasing you."

"Okay." A look of relief flashed across Shawn's face. "I can clean up at work. I've got a locker and I'll bring some good jeans and a shirt and…" He took a deep breath. "I'm doing it again, aren't I?"

"Yep, and I'm not complaining. It's cute."

Shawn turned bright red. "I…umm… I should let you get back to work."

"All right. I'll see you tomorrow night if not before."

Shawn nodded hard and skittered out of the office. Gene smiled as he watched him go.

That was a surprise. A nice one but… I hope he's not expecting more than just using dinner to say thank you. And what if he is? Naw, he's just doing what he thinks is right is all.

He heard the jingle of the bell over the front door and turned his thoughts to how to deal with Mrs. Smith and her 'cat scratch fever'.