Fear - 32

Gene kept a careful eye on Shawn while everyone was eating. The pizzas were on one of the workbenches in the garage and everyone was sitting or standing near them. It was if they were afraid someone else would grab the piece they had their eye on if they moved too far away. Shawn had taken two slices and, at Ms Johnson's insistence, took the seat of honor, a battered barstool Max had acquired when the owners of the Blue Devil had redecorated a couple of years ago.

He looks tired, but happy. Happier than I've ever seen him. Gene smiled wryly. Not that I saw that much of him before he ended up in the hospital. Just here when I brought the car in, and the time I returned his phone. Who knew finding it would lead to this?

And then he wondered just what 'this' was. Probably nothing more than what it seemed, friendship with a nice kid who had needed someone to talk to and support him after all he'd been through.

He finished the last of his slice of pizza, wiped his fingers on an already greasy napkin, and tossed it in the trashcan. "Okay, guys, I'm out of here. I'd better check in at my office to let them know I'm back and see what havoc my patients have wrought with Doctor Rogers while I was gone."

Everyone gave him casual 'goodbyes' or waves before getting back to eating. Gene chuckled. Guess I can tell who's not important in this group.

He was almost to the door when someone grabbed his arm to stop him. Shawn stood there, a questioning look on his face. "Can I…will you be around tomorrow?"

"Sure. I do live here and I'm not planning on going anywhere for a while, other than to work."

"Great. I might maybe stop by?"

"And I might maybe like that," Gene replied with a laugh. "Sure, any time."

"Okay. I'll see you then."

Gene watched with a bit of amusement as Shawn instantly hurried back to his friends. Still he did wonder why Shawn had felt it necessary to ask if he'd be around. Oh well, I guess I'll find out tomorrow. If he actually shows up.

Fear - 31

After Ms Johnson left, Max took Shawn into his office, beckoning for Gene to join them.

"So how are you doing?" Max asked Shawn once the three men were seated.

"I'm getting better. Not perfect yet, not by a long shot, but better. And if you're asking because you think I can't handle the job yet…" Shawn paused, frowning. "Okay there's some things I probably won't be able to do for a bit, like leaning over an engine for an hour working on it. My ribs will protest big time, I'm afraid. But I can handle the simple jobs, honest."

"That was just the answer I hoped for. Not because I thought you couldn't do everything immediately like before, but because I wanted an honest answer, not a 'There's nothing wrong and I can do it all because I'm Superman'."

Shawn snorted. "I've never claimed to be him. I don't think anyone would believe it if I did. Clark Kent's more my style."

Max chuckled. "Very true. Okay, second question. How are you doing up here?" Max tapped his temple.

Shawn hesitated, turning to look at Gene.

"Just be as honest as you can be—or tell him it's none of his business," Gene said with a bit of a smile, patting Shawn's arm.

"He tells me that and he's fired," Max growled. Then he laughed at the look of horror on Shawn's face. "I'm kidding. Besides, it really isn't my business as long as you can do the work."

"I can, but…well… Okay, honestly, I finally realized something this morning. I…I still have to convince myself it's true, though."

"And what is that?" Max asked before Gene could.

"That I wasn't to blame. I didn't ask for what happened. Or, more, I didn't ask for it the way he tried to make me think I did." Shawn glanced at Gene. "There's still a lot I have to come to grips with, you know. But maybe I can, in time."

Gene smiled encouragingly. "I know you can. You're stronger than you think you are at the moment. It's not easy, but you can do it."

* * * *

Max watched the two men, one eyebrow cocked. It was apparent from the look on his face that he knew there was more going on than their words conveyed but he remained silent. Gene caught his expression and mouthed, 'Thanks'. Max nodded before saying, "Where the hell is that woman with our food? I'm starving."

Fear - 30

The drive over the Divide and down to town was mostly done in silence. Shawn seemed to be deep in thought and Gene didn't want to interrupt him since he didn't appear to be upset. Quiet, yes, as various emotions Gene couldn't quite decipher flashed across his face momentarily, but not upset in a way that said he was regretting moving away from where he and Jared had lived.

Finally they reached the outskirts of town. Shawn glanced out the window and said, sounding surprised, "We're here."

"Yep," Gene replied with a laugh. "And we didn't even come close to going over a cliff."

"I'd say I was surprised, but you have new tires, so…"

"Noticed that, did you?"

Shawn chuckled. "If it's a car, I notice everything."

"Want to stop by the garage first or go on the Max's place?"

"The garage. Definitely."

"Figured as much," Gene said with a smile, heading down the main street to park in front of it.

As soon as they walked inside, Max was on his feet, hurrying out of his office to greet Shawn, and by extension Gene, though he came in a poor second.

"Good to have you back," Max exclaimed, looking as if he was going to hug Shawn before realizing the two other mechanics had joined them. Instead he clapped Shawn on the shoulder. "Ms Johnson has been in twice already this morning looking for you. I think she's jealous you're going to be staying with me instead of at the motel."

"Max Spitzer, I'm nothing of the sort," the woman in question said, appearing at Shawn's side. "I just wanted to welcome him home." She gave Shawn a hug, easing up when he tried and failed to hide a wince of pain. "We need to fatten you up, young man. You're too thin by half," she told him, stepping back to give him the once-over.

"I'm just thin by nature," Shawn protested, smiling.

"Yeah, he's a skinny little runt," Pat, one of the mechanics, said with a grin.

"Next to your six-two, anyone's a runt," Shawn bantered back. It felt good doing that, just like old times. Better than old times because I'm not afraid… afraid Jared will walk in and hear it and… He closed his eyes for a second against that thought.

"Anyone mind my ordering pizzas to celebrate Shawn's return?" Max asked.

There was a general shout of 'Hell no' from the others, including Ms Johnson, who volunteered to go get them.

Fear - 29

When they came to the secluded trailer at the back edge of the park Shawn looked around frantically, both searching for any signs of Jared—and afraid he'd find some.

"If you want to wait in the car," Gene said as he pulled to a stop.

"No. I need…" Shawn frowned. "Maybe they already cleaned everything out. Maybe we should stop by the office and see?"

"They hadn't as of two days ago when I talked to the manager. He said no one had wanted to rent it yet and he figured someone would come by for your things before that happened." Gene chuckled. "I suspect he's just being lazy. If we get your stuff, he won't have to clean it out and store or toss everything."

He got out of the car, waited for Shawn to join him, and unlocked the trailer door with the key the manager lent him the first time he was there to get some of Shawn's possessions.

When Shawn stepped inside, he gasped. To him it looked as if a tornado had gone through the living room. Nothing was where it should be—the table sat on its side, the chairs lay on the floor, one with a broken leg. The sofa had been shoved against the wall three feet from where it had been the last time he'd seen it.

"Did this happen when… when he was…?" Shawn shuddered.

"That's the presumption. You don't remember, I take it."

"No. I remember passing out when he hit me in the ribs, and then, later, crawling to the front door, trying to get somewhere safe. He… he picked me up and I passed out again."

"I get the picture," Gene told him, touching his shoulder. "Why don't you sit while I get your clothes packed up."

"I can help," Shawn protested.

"As your doctor of record at the moment, I'm ordering you to sit," Gene said with a smile. "Is there anything else here you want besides clothes and maybe toiletries?"

"No, not really." Shawn watched as Gene went down the hall then looked around again. He shuddered when he saw dark spots on the carpet, wondering if they were blood. His blood.

I didn't deserve the beating. He gasped softly, realizing it was the first time he'd ever admitted it to himself. I really didn't. Not like that. Not like I was your property and you had the right to do it just because you were pissed at me. You never listened; you just hit and then… and then promised afterwards it wouldn't happen again. And I believed you. Shawn buried his face in his hands, trying to push the memories away. And I believed you.

"Shawn?"

He lifted his head to find Gene kneeling in front of him. "I'm okay, honest," he told him, seeing the worried look in Gene's eyes. "Let's get out of here."

Fear - 28

"Ready to get moving?" Gene asked as he walked into Shawn's hospital room.

"I think so." Shawn got up carefully, his ribs protesting the move as they had for the last few days when the nurses had made him walk the corridors to work on his stamina. He looked at the wheelchair and the nurse behind it and grimaced. "Can't I walk out under my own steam?"

"Nope," she replied with a smile. "Hospital policy. God forbid you should trip and fall and end up back in bed again before you get out the front door."

Shawn's lips curled up in a small grin. "I could sue for all the hospital's worth."

"Exactly. So sit and I'll chauffeur you out of this joint."

When they were outside the hospital Gene pointed out his car in the parking lot. Shawn grinned. "I know. Remember, I've worked on it---a lot. You need to get a new one."

"You sound just like Max," Gene grumbled as they walked to it. He unlocked the doors, watching carefully as Shawn eased into the passenger seat before getting in himself. "Next stop, home."

"Can we…?" Shawn asked hesitantly. When Gene looked at him in question, he said, "Can we go by the trailer? I should… My things should still be there. I mean other than the clothes you brought me."

Gene nodded, pulling out of the lot. As they got closer to their destination, Shawn began to tense up, glancing out the windows almost fearfully. What if he's there waiting for me. What if he's not? What if… The thoughts kept circling through his head so when Gene touched his shoulder he jumped in surprise.

"I highly doubt he'll be there," Gene said, almost as if he'd read Shawn's mind.

Taking a deep breath, wincing when his ribs protested, Shawn said, "I know. In my head, I know. But my emotions… Well, I guess I keep hoping he will be and that he'll have changed somehow."

"A nice dream, but not realistic, I'm afraid." By then they'd turned off the highway into the trailer park.