Never Again – 7

 

And so it began. A year passed with the two men spending as much time as possible in each other's company—and Joseph's bed—when Rawleigh was in the city. The war had expanded and as it did, Rawleigh was home less and less, only coming back to file his stories before vanishing again a day later.

Rawleigh covered each battle of the Union's failed attempt to take Richmond in June of 1862, returning to the heart of the city, and to Joseph, more often than he had been able to before.

While neither man quite expressed their feeling for each other in words, Joseph knew Rawleigh loved him. Much to his dismay, he also knew he had fallen deeply in love with the young reporter as well.

Early one September afternoon of that year, while Rawleigh was gone again, heading north to cover the campaigns in Maryland, Elizabeth cornered her brother in his office.

He looked up from the editorial he was writing when he heard the door open. One look at her face and he knew something was wrong. He asked what it was.

"It's you, Joseph. You and what you're doing to yourself."

"Which would be?" he said, knowing full well what she meant, even as he hoped he was wrong.

She closed the door firmly and came closer, bringing a chair next to his desk. Sitting, she laid her hand on his arm. "You know. You are denying your nature because of this boy."

"He's hardly a boy," Joseph protested.

"Boy, man, whatever you want to call him, you are still denying your nature and I know why." She shook her head, looking at him in dismay. "Because you are not shifting, you are aging, Joseph. Not much and no one other than I might notice it yet, but still you are. On top of which you are becoming short-tempered with everyone. Your employees do their best to stay out of your path, whether you realize it or not. Even I do, when I can. You just about bit my head off this morning over something so minor you would have laughed it off half a year ago."

Joseph lowered his gaze, staring down at his desk. "I have no choice, Elizabeth. He's not a fool. He would begin to wonder why I never seem to grow older."

"Then leave him, Joseph," she said adamantly. "Walk away or send him away. Otherwise you will end up destroying yourself."

"I love him, Elizabeth," he replied softly, almost sadly.

"And so you refuse to shift to what you are, contrary to all that is in you and what it is doing to you? Tell me, Joseph, do you think he would want you to deny your being, your essence, for him? If he loves you, it would be the last thing he'd want."

He shook his head. "But how… how can I tell him?"

She smiled, patting his hand. "You're a man of words, just as he is. And, like him, a man of action. Take him out, away from the city to somewhere safe, and show him. I think… I truly think, he can handle it and will respect and love you more for trusting him with our secret."