Never Again – 5

 

The next few weeks were too hectic for anything to happen between the two men other than work. Not that Joseph would have allowed it but he didn't get the chance to say so.

Rawleigh vanished periodically to cover stories; Joseph wrote several editorials scathingly denouncing those who did not support the secession and with his help Elizabeth kept the day-to-day business of the paper running as smoothly as possible.

President Lincoln had ordered the blockade of southern ports and when the Norfolk Virginia navy yard was evacuated, Rawleigh was there. He seemed to be gone more than he was in the city as the war spread and he followed it.

It was the middle of May before he returned for an extended period of time. He filed his most recent stories then seemed unwilling to leave again, hanging around the Gazette offices like a lost waif. Finally, one evening, Joseph decided he'd had enough of it.

"Dinner, and you will tell me what is going on with you while we eat," he said firmly to the younger man.

"As you wish," Rawleigh replied with ill grace. But the brief flare of relief that crossed his face belied his tone of voice.

After they were seated in a small restaurant not too far from the Gazette with their dinners ordered, Joseph leaned back, looking appraisingly at his employee. "Has something happened in your travels that you don't wish to tell me? Perhaps you've met someone special and want to move to where they are?"

And if that doesn't get him to open up about what I firmly suspect is bothering him… although I hope I'm wrong about it.

Rawleigh shook his head. "It's nothing like that."

"But there is something."

After taking a deep breath, Rawleigh nodded. "Please don't take this the wrong way"—he smiled slightly—"although I doubt there's a right way in which it can be taken. I find you… fascinating, as a person and as a man. There, I've said it! Now you can feel free to tell me I am wrong to think that way then send me packing."

"Now why would I object to being flattered by a handsome young man?"

"It's not flattery. Well, perhaps it is, but not in the way you are taking it." Rawleigh leaned closer, his elbows resting on the table. "I… there is no way to say this except straight out. I am a man who likes men," he explained, his voice barely above a whisper.

Joseph nodded. "I had figured that out, so you're not telling me something I wasn't already aware of."

"I suppose I should be happy you're not shocked."

"Why would I be? I've met a few men who enjoy same-sex love, although they keep it to themselves as much as possible."

"Then how do you…?" Rawleigh's eyes widened. "You are one of them? Of us?"

Joseph chuckled softly. "Indeed."

Rawleigh seemed to contemplate his admission, his fingers drumming a tattoo on the table. Eventually he asked, very hesitantly, "Do you find me interesting?"

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't. However, before you get your hopes up, I am celibate and have been so for many years. I find it safer that way, as my enemies would happily use it against me if they found out."

And please God let him believe my lie.

"I wouldn't tell anyone, I swear. I know how to keep secrets. Well"—a tiny smile turned his lips up—"personal secrets. Given that I'm a reporter, most others are just fodder for my stories."

"And when… if we were to act on our needs and you were to become disenchanted, then what? Would I become fodder too?"

"Never!" Rawleigh protested. "Do you think I'm that dishonorable?"

Joseph chuckled. "You are a reporter. Some people would say dishonor comes with the job."

"But not you." Hope limned Rawleigh's face as he asked.

"I've known honorable reporters—and others. Not many, but a few."

For the moment, Rawleigh had to be satisfied with Joseph's reply since the waiter appeared with their meals. Once they began to eat, he attempted several times to continue their conversation only to be met with apparent disinterest from his dining companion.

Finally they were finished. Joseph beckoned for the waiter, asked for the bill, and paid it before standing. "Let's walk off our meal," he said shortly, heading to the door without waiting to see if Rawleigh followed.