Safe Harbor – 22

Just what the hell do I think I’m doing?

Kurt stared at his reflection in the mirror.

Am I taking advantage of a needy young man, or is it possible something real could happen between us?

"Damned if I know," he growled as he removed his collar, putting it into the box on his dresser. As he did he looked at it.

My armor. Does this piece of material make a damned bit of difference in how I view life? As a symbol, a reminder of what I am, yes. In reality, no. I believe in the teaching of the church, but damn it I also believe I have the right to live as a human being, not only as a symbol of the church. I have the God-given right to love whomever I want, just as the parishioners I minister to do. The diocese says I can.

He smiled slightly at his reflection.

At least this diocese does. I should be glad I’m here. But that has nothing to do with… anything.

He unbuttoned his shirt and went to hang it up. Then after putting his keys and wallet in the dresser drawer he toed off his shoes and took off his jeans, hanging them up as well.

Maybe it’s time to start relaxing my self-imposed rules. I don’t have to wear the collar. Not with what I’m doing. It doesn’t make the kids respect me any more, or— he chuckled, —any less than they already do.

Going into the bathroom he stripped off his briefs, tossing them in the hamper along with his socks. Too tired to shower he washed up at the sink, brushed his teeth, and headed back into his small bedroom. As he looked at his narrow bed he shook his head at where his thoughts went.

It’s hardly large enough for one, how can two of us… And that is enough of that. By morning he might have changed his mind. I might change my mind, not that I’ve made any decision to begin with.

Sitting on the edge of his bed he said his prayers, as he had every night since childhood. This time though he added one more. "Please, God, help me make the right choice."

Then, exhausted, he slid under the covers and moments later he was sound asleep.