Never Again – 25

 

After a long moment of silence, as he thought about what Steve had told him, Joseph said, "Look, I get what you're saying, but why come to me? It sounds like he's already got a good friend in you."

"Not really. That was a one-time thing. Overall we're just two men with the same objective, to help the homeless and, by extension, the Lower Ninth. He needs a real friend, someone he can connect with and trust. For whatever reason, I have the feeling that could be you."

Joseph took a deep breath before replying. "I can try to be a friend if he's willing to accept me as one. But that's all, Steve. Just a friend, nothing more. I respect that you care about him and his welfare but you're talking about something beyond what I'm willing to do." He chuckled softly. "In some quarters what you're doing would be called pimping me out."

"Now hang on there, that's not what I'm doing, I swear. I just figured you might understand where he's coming from more than most. At least in that respect."

"I'll accept that." Joseph looked at his barely touched beer, took a swig and put it down before standing. "I think I'm going to head home. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow and I need to get some sleep."

Steve nodded in acknowledgement. "I'll see you in the morning, and thanks for at least listening to me."

"Welcome. Night."

* * * *

On the way home all Joseph could think about was what Steve had said, which was not very surprising under the circumstances.

So now what do I do about it? To start with, unless I miss my guess, Cal is not the kind of man who will accept friendship that he doesn't instigate. Secondly, his opening up to me, as little as he did that morning, was probably the first and last time for him. By now he's realized what he did and will pull away as fast and as far as possible without cutting off all communication.

And if he doesn't, how the hell do I handle it? I don't want to get close to someone. I've stayed away from that since, well… forever, it seems—other than Beth and Brian, of course.

Speaking of which, I need to have a few well-chosen words with Brian about letting out secrets that aren't his to tell.

He scrubbed a hand through his hair while waiting for a light to change.

How did I get myself into this mess? If it is a mess, which it might not be. I'm probably over thinking the whole thing. Cal will show up when he shows up, hopefully with everything finalized so we can start to work on the apartment building. Then he'll move on to the next project, leaving the rest of us to do the work there.

That's not true and I know it. He'll be as hands-on as he always is. Unless he decides to play keep-away from me because he let his hair down for a few minutes. If he tries—well, I can back away myself. Tell him I have something I have to take care of, like at BEN. Yeah, that would work.

He pulled up and stopped at the next light, waiting for it to change. He stared out the window but he saw nothing except Cal's face when he'd actually smiled and meant it as they joked around a bit, just before Cal had driven away the last time Joseph had seen him.

He looks good when he smiles—like a different man entirely. He should do it more often. And get your mind off of that train of thought right now, damn it. Maybe, just maybe, if he doesn't shut me down, we can become friends. That's it. End of story. Because no way will I let it become more. Not that I think there's a chance in hell it would, but I'm not taking that chance.

When the light changed, he continued on his way home, pushing everything he'd been thinking to the back of his mind. But one small thought insisted on popping up when he did.

He's not right for me. He's… he's human.

And yet he couldn't get the image of Cal's smile out of his head.