Fear - 56

"It's easier to eat if you use a fork," Shawn said. "The food's not going to jump into your mouth."

Gene looked up and smiled, cutting off a bit of the roast. "True."

"Okay, next step, insert fork with meat into your mouth, chew, and swallow."

With a small laugh, Gene did. "Next you'll be telling me how to drink my coffee."

Shawn grinned. "See that thing on the side of the cup? It's called a handle. You grab hold of it…"

"Will you quit?"

"Yeah, sorry." Shawn immediately focused his attention on his meal.

"Hey, I meant quit teasing. It's hard to eat and laugh at the same time."

"Oh. I'm doing it again, aren't I?"

"We both are, I think." Gene sighed. "We're both super sensitive to the nuances of each other's words because, well, because we've had to be in the past. I should be over that by now. Apparently I'm not."

Shawn nodded. "You're better than I am, though. You don't see everything that even sounds like it could be an order as a threat to your physical safety."

"I've learned to control my reaction is all, to anything which sounds like a command and to harsh words. I've figured out I have to step back, mentally, and tell myself the person talking isn't him—that they're not angry at me or if they are, they're not going to hurt me because of it. Make sense?"

"Umm hmm. But you still hide out here."

"I suppose I do. Mostly habit at this point, I guess. Funny, I was thinking just a few minutes ago about it. You said this was my sanctuary, which it is, then questioned my never having visitors, which I don't. I realized, not for the first time, that it's my way of keeping control over the part of my life that I can control."

"And yet you invited me to dinner."

"You caught me in a weak moment."

"No," Shawn said thoughtfully. "I caught you at a moment when you'd begun to realize it's time to start living again. What's past is past."

Gene reached across to take his hand. "Something you're going to have to remember, too. And before you get pissed, I know things are too fresh still. It's not going to happen overnight."

"I know." Shawn sighed. "I just wish I'd stop being afraid. I shouldn't be, at least not of you, but I still react the same way I did with Jared. Back away and pray you're not mad."

"I'll make you a deal. If I get upset, I'll tell you straight out, and I'll tell you why. But in return you have to let me know when I do something that makes you think I'm pissed at you because to be honest, I might not see it that way."

Shawn nodded. "Deal."

Gene smiled, leaned over to kiss him and said, "Okay, I'm not upset, but you had better finish your dinner because I slaved over a hot stove to prepare it." He waggled a finger in reprimand.

Shawn grabbed it, laughing. "Okay, I'm eating. I'm eating." He took Gene's finger between his lips and nibbled the end of it.

"That is not what I meant," Gene growled in amusement, breaking into laughter seconds later. And damn, that was too sensual. He pulled his finger back quickly.

"I know." Shawn grinned. "But it made you laugh."

It made me a lot of things which I'm not going to mention. Gene tamped down on his suddenly enflamed libido. "Just eat your dinner. Okay?"

"Eating, eating." And this time he did.