(26) I am what I am

~Blair~

I’m in so much trouble.

This was not supposed to happen. I didn’t want someone in my life. I couldn’t have someone in my life. Not now. Not ever. Not until…

But all my resolves melted when I looked at Quinn. There was such caring in his eyes, in his touch. As if I was important and not…not what I am.

I needed to run before things got any worse, or better, or god knows what.

“Blair, you’re off somewhere.”

His voice brought me out of my thoughts and back to reality. A reality I knew was going to bring pain to both of us if I let it continue.

“I have to leave,” I said, grabbing my jacket as I stood up.

“Why? Did I do something wrong?” Hurt and worry flashed across his face.

“No. It’s not you, it’s me. I can’t…we can’t…damn it.” My vision blurred as tears started to form.

“Tell me,” he said softly, taking my hand before I could move out of reach.

“I wish I could.” I met his eyes and shook my head. “There’s too much, too much wrong in my life and I won’t bring it into yours as well.”

He didn’t let go of my hand, but he didn’t make any move to pull me closer to him either as he searched my face. “If you’re in trouble maybe I can help.”

“No!” I realized I’d shouted and dropped my voice. “No. There’s no way anyone can help me. I just have to keep hiding and running…” My hand flew to my mouth when I realized what I’d just said. I wrenched free of him grasp. “I’m sorry,” I whispered before I began pushing my way past the people who stood between me and the exit.

I heard him calling me as I opened the door and stepped onto the pavement. Looking around wildly I saw a cab letting out its passengers. Without a thought I jumped in. The driver turned to look at me, shook his head and asked where I wanted to go.

“Just drive, please, now.”

As he took off I looked back and saw Quinn standing there. He looked the way I felt, disconsolate. I almost told the driver to stop, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. Burying my face in my hands I cried.