Nate pulled out of Joey's embrace to look at him. "What's wrong?"
"What makes you think anything is?"
"Your mind wasn't on what you were doing."
Joey smiled, touching Nate's lips with a fingertip. "I was kissing you and believe me my mind was definitely on that."
"No it wasn't." Nate leaned back against the arm of the sofa, pulled his legs up to wrap his arms around his knees, and shook his head. "Is something wrong at work, or with your family?"
"All right, yes something is bothering me. I keep worrying about Mary. She's so young compared to Eck," Joey replied, lying through his teeth. No way would he say anything to Nate about Glenn. After all what was there to say? He hadn't even seen Glenn since his rumored return. He could have checked it out, could have made a run up to the house while he was on patrol with the excuse that he was there to make certain the place hadn't been broken into. He'd even contemplated doing that, and chickened out.
He came back to the moment to hear Nate say, "…is only a number."
Nate sighed when Joey looked puzzled. "Pay attention. I was saying that age is only a number; it's what they feel in their hearts that counts. If you were ten years older than me instead of just one would that make a difference as far as you're concerned? I know it wouldn't to me."
"I… no. No of course it wouldn't. I'd still feel the same way for you that I do now. At least I guess I would." Joey smiled at him. "I mean how can I say for certain? I'm not ten years older. I suppose I'm worrying because she's my sister and I don't want to see her get hurt."
"Which makes you a good brother. That's one of the things I really like about you, you care about everyone."
"Especially you." Joey grinned at Nate because he needed to get back into the moment, not remain in the past. He took Nate's hand to pull him back beside him. "Now where were we?" he teased.
"I was about here…" Nate shifted, "your arms were here…" He wrapped Joey's arms around him again then shook his head and moved away again.
"What now?" Joey asked with a frustrated groan.
"If you do care about me then tell me what's really going on in your head. Perhaps Mary is part of it, but I don't think that's all." Nate watched Joey's face as he said that and saw it shut down. He stood and walked away from the sofa then turned back to look at Joey. "Is there someone else?"
Joey wanted to deny that there was, especially since there really wasn't except in his own mind. He owed Nate the truth however. "This is hard to explain," he began.
"Then there is." Hurt flashed across Nate's face.
"Not in the way that you're thinking." Joey patted the sofa but Nate shook his head and stayed where he was, his arms crossed over his chest. Joey nodded and continued. "A little over two years ago I met a man, a much older man, who…" He blew out a long breath. "I thought we had made a connection even though he kept trying to push me away. I thought that I loved him."
"That explains why you're worried about Mary and Eck," Nate murmured, avoiding the last part of what Joey had said because it hurt too much.
"Yes, in a way, even though they seem to be making it work. I couldn't. Make it work that is. If he cared for me he wasn't willing to admit it, at least to me. Instead, he… ran."
"And you've been pining after him ever since. That doesn't say much for how you feel about me."
"No! No. It took time but I finally got him out of my head then I met you." Joey smiled at him. "I do care for you, don't doubt that for an instant."
"You care… but. I can feel there's a big one coming."
Joey chewed his lip and nodded slowly. "I think he's back in town."
"You think, you don't know? How is that possible?"
"He's got a house but it's not in town. Eck said someone was living there now."
"The man." Nate sighed deeply. "Why haven't you gone to see him, or have you and you just don't want to tell me?"
"I haven't. Nate, damn it. I want to, I think, but I don't know. We, you and I, have something between us. It wouldn't be fair to you…"
"Screw fair," Nate spat out angrily. "What's not fair is my wondering if at any moment you will go to him and that just maybe whatever you thought might have been happening before..." He sighed again. "Joey, you need to find out. Maybe he's back just because it's his house, or maybe he returned because you're here." Slowly he walked back to the sofa and sat, but not too close to Joey even though he did reach across to take his hand. "You and I can't move on until you face this man. If he, if you," he dropped his eyes, "if you do love him and he loves you…"
"And if we don't?" Joey squeezed Nate's hand. "Now that you know, how could you be willing to be with me anymore?"
"Because I do care for you. It's not love, yet, but I do care." He looked at Joey, his face as serious as his voice. "Go talk to him. If it works and you want to be with him I'll understand. If it doesn't," he smiled slightly, "I'll be here for you however you want me, as a friend or more."
"You're damned amazing," Joey said with heartfelt sincerity.
Nate shrugged. "I'm just me." Then he leaned close enough to kiss Joey softly. "Now go. See what happens, for all our sakes."
Joey stood slowly, bent to brush the softest of kisses across Nate's lips, and started to say something. Nate shook his head. "Just go." Joey nodded, touched Nate's cheek, then left.
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