I woke early the next morning to see Trev leaning on one elbow looking down at me.
“Good morning, baby,” I whispered, barely getting the words out before he took my lips in a slow, loving kiss. When we finally broke apart to catch our breaths he traced his fingers over my face.
“I want to know something,” he said, “but you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” I nodded my assent and he continued. “You said, well implied that you’ve never come before last night.” Taking a deep breath he asked, “Why? I mean… Damn, I have no right to ask, but I would have thought…” He shook his head, perhaps thinking he saw something in my face. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”
I shook my head in return, pushing a lock of his hair behind his ear for something to do while I thought about how to answer him. When he started to pull away I put my hands on his shoulders to stop him.
“I've… I've only give blowjobs." I grimaced, but continued. "I suppose there are a lot of reasons why I never let a man… If I were a shrink I could come up with tons of technical jargon to explain it. I’ve thought a lot about it and I think most of it has to do with the rape. It was my first experience with sex and a fucking bad one, excuse the pun.” I gave him a quick quirk of my lips before continuing. “Best guess, something inside of me shut down, something in here,” I tapped my forehead. “Something that said sex was not a pleasurable experience and never would be. If that makes any kind of sense.”
He nodded slowly. “It makes a lot of sense actually. And yet you…” He frowned.
“And yet sex became my business. Ironic isn’t it. But that was out of necessity. You know that. It’s the in-between that sort of cemented my internal resolve, I guess. I found out that men only seemed to want one thing, a quick blowjob and on their way.”
“Whoa. That sounds too damned close to home,” he said, his frown deepening. He moved away, laying back, staring at the ceiling, obviously deep in thought.
“Baby?” I shifted to lay on top of him, trying to smooth his frown away with my fingers. He shifted his gaze to me and I saw pain there and wished this conversation had never started. But it was too late now. “I didn’t mean you.”
He grimaced. “Maybe not specifically, but you hit it right on the head anyway. That’s exactly what I’m like. Or maybe what I was like until I met you. No, it’s what I was like until last night if I’m going to be truthful.”
“I don’t believe that.” I covered his mouth with my hand to keep him quiet. “I know you’ve been with a lot of men and women, probably as many of them as I’ve been with just men. And for all I know it’s been as recently as a few days ago for you. And I know that sex is the way you release all the tension after you…” I hesitated.
“Kill? You can say it Del because that’s what I do. Kill the bastards.”
I could feel anger radiating from him now at the mention of them. “Shh, baby, it’s all right. You do what needs doing and I understand why but you can’t, you aren’t to bring that here to our bed.”
His eyebrow cocked and a small smile touched his lips. “Our bed?”
“Umm humm. Yours, mine now, too, so ours. Wrap your mind around that concept and accept it.” I grinned down at him. “After last night I’m having it no other way.”
“Oh really? Aren’t you being the bossy one.”
“I can be when needed. And right now, I need you in the worst way. Or is that the best way?” I pretended to ponder that.
“We’ll just have to find out now won’t we,” he replied as he rolled over to pin me beneath him with a laugh.