I hate to admit it but I miss Trev. I suppose if I was being very honest that’s at least half the reason I gave him my cross. That way he has to come back. If for no other reason than to return it.
My feet ache, big time. I never knew being a waiter would be so hard on them. Or so hard all together. It’s not a job for a sissy I’m finding out. I like it though and I like the tips. It’s nice to earn extra just for being friendly and not because someone wants something from you. I don’t miss my old life one bit.
I just hope none of my former johns come in here. That would be not only embarrassing but it could loose me my job. My boss is a decent guy but I don’t think he’d really like knowing what I used to do. Hell I don’t like what I used to do.
I wish. I wish I’d met Trev under different circumstances so he wasn’t aware of my past. I think maybe, well probably, that’s why he’s never even suggested we become more than just friends. I know he frequents hookers. No big secret there. But I’m sure he doesn’t want one in his life on a permanent basis. At least not as more than just someone to pal around with when he’s lonely.
My studio’s finally set up, so I can paint and draw whenever I have free time, which is a lot I’m finding—since Trev’s not around. I go back to the old neighborhood too, to get ideas. I don’t think I really realized how bad it was until I left. And the people, they’re so sad. Tired, worn out street girls and guys. Punks selling drugs to them—and to anyone else who’ll buy. Pimps watching with eagle eyes to make sure their whores don’t try to cheat them out of a cent. The saddest though are the kids. Families live in the neighborhood, too, and the kids have no place to play but the streets. They look too knowing, too aware of how bad life is. It’s in their eyes and in the way they move and act. They don’t have any hope, just fear. I wish…
There are a lot of things I wish. Maybe some of them will come true someday. But for now I’m doing the best I can to keep my life in order and save enough to make next month’s rent and keep food on my table.
And wait for Trev to come back.