Two nights now I’ve been by Nora’s place. No lights on, no sign of her. Walking the Quarter now, looking for her.
I know it’s been a while. Didn’t mean not to visit. But my job comes first. Always.
The chicks and guys are out in force tonight. All sizes. All shapes. All totally not what I want or need. Where is she?
Back to her place. Checking again. Name’s still on the mailbox, on the buzzer.
She give up on me? Possible. Probable I guess. For the best I think, for both of us. But.
Settle down to wait. Sitting on the stoop. Standing, pacing. Watching the sky turn pink as the sun comes up. Where is she?
A voice, a tap on the shoulder. Spinning around to look up into the face a man. Landlord he says. Tells me to move on. I tell him why I’m there. He shakes his head.
“She’s not here anymore.”
“Do you know where she went?”
He looks at me. Decision made. Hand on my shoulder. Words soft, sorrowful. “She killed herself two days ago.”
I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. Double over, trying to assimilate what he’s saying. Look up at him again. “How? Why?”
He sighs. “Slit her wrists. She left a note. I overheard the cops talking bout it. She was pregnant. Alone. Loved someone but couldn’t find him. You?” He looks at me. “I guess it was too much for her. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry! You’re fucking sorry? She dies up there. Murders our kid. All you can say is ‘Sorry’?” I’m on my feet now. Wanting to kill, destroy. Him, someone, anyone. Me. Pound my fists on the wall. Not his fault. Mine. Mine.