Kirby wished he knew what was going through Dean’s mind. Was he just tired, unwinding from what had been a very stressful day, or was it something else? He had promised Dean he would put whatever feelings might be developing between them on hold until everything had settled down. Maybe he shouldn’t have. He tapped a thumb against his lips, took another drink of coffee, and then turned to set the cup down.
He could feel Dean’s eyes on him still and looked back now, a slight smile playing across he lips. “Come here,” he said softly.
Dean flinched away as if Kirby had shouted the words.
Reaching out, Kirby placed one hand on Dean’s shoulder, tugging gently.
For a brief moment Dean resisted. “I thought…”
“Don’t think. Do.” Sliding his hand up, he cupped the nape of Dean’s neck, urging him to come closer.
Dean did, his eyes searching Kirby’s face as if looking for confirmation of what he thought was happening.
Kirby traced a finger over the shape of Dean’s mouth, moving it away seconds later to replace it with his lips, brushing them lightly over Dean’s. When Dean didn’t try to move away Kirby increased the pressure. He felt Dean respond, kissing him back hesitantly.
“I won’t take it any further than this,” Kirby whispered. “Not tonight. I just wanted to know what it would feel like to kiss you.”
“It felt good. I mean… Oh hell.”
Kirby laughed. “Yeah it did, at least I thought so.”
“I did too.” Dean’s gaze locked on Kirby’s mouth before he leaned close enough to kiss him again.
Kirby returned the kiss as it was given, slowly and gently, not asking for more than what Dean was willing to allow.
When they broke apart Dean sighed. Kirby pulled him against his chest, just holding him.
“That was…” Dean whispered.
“Wonderful, awful, the first time you’ve ever kissed a man?”
“Wonderful, I think. And,” Dean paused before admitting, “yes, the first time, for kissing that is.”
“Not big on kissing?” Kirby asked.
“I never wanted to. It seemed. Damn it.” He turned his head to look up at Kirby. “I’m not a total innocent, but somehow…”
Kirby nodded, understanding. “You’ve had sex with a man, but never gone to bed with one, or even gone home with one.”
Dean nodded. “I couldn’t allow myself to do that.”
“I get the picture.” Kirby cupped Dean’s chin in one hand. “When this is over and you feel ready, if you want to that is, I’ll show you what it’s like to make love, not just have down and dirty backroom sex.”
“I want to. Just not…tonight.” Dean shook his head. “I feel like… Damn you wouldn’t think I was almost as old as you. I’m acting like a high school kid, or worse.”
“Not at all. You’ve had to keep everything inside and hidden. I suppose the best description would be, it’s as if you’ve lived your whole life in a cave and now you’re out in the world and free to explore what it has to offer.”
“That was very poetic,” Dean told him, smiling. “And very true. I want to explore it all.”
“Just not tonight. That’s fine. We’ll take things one step at a time.”
“Thank you,” Dean whispered. Then, probably to the surprise of both of them, he kissed Kirby again and it wasn’t tentative this time. It wasn’t probing, but it definitely was a kiss that said he wanted to do it. And somehow, it managed to promise there would be more, in time.